1/22/2014: On the 2 year Anniversary of Joe Paterno's Death, a Reflection on What These Last 2 Years Have Meant to Me

There are events in your life that you never forget; moments where everything seems so vivid, that even years later you can recall exactly where you were, exactly how you felt, and exactly what you said. Just over 2 years ago, Happy Valley, and me as a part of it, was subjected to a variety of those moments. I can remember sitting in my parents bedroom, leaning up against it's side, watching the TV as a man I had not previously heard of named John Shurma took the podium. I remember a pit in my stomach forming as I heard him begin his address, and I remember the shock I felt as a terrible stretch of days got even worse. "Joe Paterno is no longer the head football coach, effective... immediately." For once in my life, I was left without any words, but instead the pit of uncertainty in my stomach.

I can remember feeling choked by pressure. A town that I had grown up in, and that I loved and felt forever connected to, was being descended upon by what felt like a pack of hungry wolves. Each of my high school classes, from Calculus to Economics, had to talk about what was happening, and there was no way to escape it all. Time passed, and every time you began to feel like you were escaping it, something new would happen. 

I heard kids in my high school wondering the effect this would have on the program and the town, and there was real fear in their voices. There was fear in me. I would be lying if I said I didn't cry at least once, from the things I heard people saying about the town I grew up  in and the university I grew up around. As time passed I thought things may be lightening up, but I should have known after the past few months that all this ever meant was that something new was about to happen. 

Without fail, something new did happen. Joe Paterno died from complications of Lung Cancer, just two months after being fired as Head Football Coach.

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The next few months lead to a lot of confusion and an undoubtedly difficult time for any Penn Stater. The Freeh Report and the NCAA sanctions happened and Joe Paterno became public enemy #1.  Not Jerry Sandusky, not Graham Spanier: but Joe Paterno. He had already been close, but this had cemented it.

People labelled the Freeh Report as gospel, and it was covered endlessly. Every channel, 24/7 you saw Joe Paterno and the Freeh Report being covered, and boy did I struggle to reconcile it all. That problem would not become easier.

Why would a man who had dedicated his entire life to bettering kids cover this up. Joe Posnanki wrote of a scene in his book, "Paterno," showing Joe Pa being explained the situation, and yelling in anguish, "How could they think I did this?!" I read it and all I feel is pain. It portrays an image of a man watching everything he had worked so hard for slip from his grasp. Of course, those who have read only the Freeh Report summaries think this is just another step in some twisted plot to cover it all up, but I can't read it like that, my life experiences won't allow me to.

Furthermore, there began to be questions of how the Freeh Report could be so drastic and so emphatic in it's conclusions if it did not have the ability to interview any of the only people who were actually involved; not Graham Spanier, not Mike McQuery, not Tim Curley. How could we be so confident that there had been some elaborate cover up if none of the key players have been able to even have their days in court.

Finally, I remember reading a New Yorker article by Malcolm Gladwell, titled "Jerry Sandusky and the Mind of a Pedophile," and I'll never forget the impact it had on my thinking. Gladwell describes a story of a gym teacher, Mr. Clay, accused multiple times of touching boys in school. Each time, he was found to be innocent or charges were dismissed in some way. The man had a sterling reputation. Gladwell concluded with this: 

"When monsters roam free, we assume that people in positions of authority ought to be able to catch them if only they did their jobs. But that might be wishful thinking. A pedophile, van Dam’s story of Mr. Clay reminds us, is someone adept not just at preying on children but at confusing, deceiving, and charming the adults responsible for those children—which is something to keep in mind in the case of the scandal at Penn State and the conviction, earlier this year, of the former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky on child-molestation charges."

Sandusky was a saint in this town, and he had earned it. Sadly, it was all to perpetuate his sickness. I don't know if his reputation played a part in the shortcomings of this situation or not, but it certainly isn't hard to imagine it happening.
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So, sitting here on 1/22/2014, now a Penn State student, what does this all mean? Many people have decided that the man is guilty, some Penn State people have decided he was innocent and are hell-bent on proving that. However, I can't prove that one way or another, and neither can you. The Freeh Report presents disturbing details, and Joe Paterno's life show a man who would not cover up anything like this.

But here's reality: somewhere along the line we lost sight of the idea of letting the criminal justice system determine who was right and wrong. In the modern day of instantaneous news and constant connection to the outside world, we are not willing to wait. Criminal trials take a long time, and people are not patient enough to let them play out, so we convict people as innocent or guilty in the court of public opinion.

Someday, in the next couple of years, the criminal trials will begin, and we will get information that has still yet to see the light of day. We will begin to know the conversations that occurred, the people who had those conversations, and how decisions were reached. Joe Paterno is facing no criminal charges; however, other people's testimonies will ultimately shed light on his involvement, and someday we will know for sure who was in the right and who was in the wrong. Whether or not that will matter to many, I sincerely doubt it will. To the public this is a done deal, and it will be difficult for that to change.

In the end, I can't tell you whether or not Joe Paterno handled this situation correctly or incorrectly, whether or not he covered anything up. It's a confusing situation, undoubtedly. But, I can tell you that I don't believe it is right to reach that conclusion without the process being played out. That serves no other purpose beside creating more victims, changing the lives of his children, his grandchildren, and his friends forever. So, I'm left, on the 2nd anniversary of Joe Paterno's death saying Thank You, because what I KNOW, is that largely because of him I am attending a university that is no longer just a "good" ag school, but a world-class research university, ranked as one of the Top 10 public schools in the country in 2013.  I KNOW that just 2 hours ago I was sitting in a beautiful library financed partially by his donations. I KNOW that I have seen countless former players tweeting about the man that changed their lives and molded them into the successful men they are to this day. I KNOW that because of him and his wife, Sue, that there are students having their education financed as Paterno Scholars. I KNOW that this man touched thousands of young people's lives forever. So, one day we will know if his life truly ended in the black mark that so many believe it did, but that day has not come yet. For now, all I can say is thank you, for helping build a university and for helping so many kids get their education and become men. Thank you helping grow a university that I am so proud to call myself apart of. Rest in peace, JVP, you've earned it.